For the past few days or weeks i have been not myself. For those of you who love and enjoy my work, you might not see or realize this. For those of you who i love and admire, im really sorry from the deepest black hole in this empty chest.
I named my anxiety as Regret.
Regret makes me worry about current condition and/or future situation by telling me the truth. The worst part is the truth is always true. Its like definitive situation of something. Its not like assumption, right/wrong, hope, or negative thinking. Its just what it is. Regret nailing down myself by streaming a lot of truth to my head and makes me incapable to do daily activity or creative project. Regret makes me tired. Makes me sleepy. Makes me overload. Makes me migraine.
One of many way to deal with Regret is by listen to it and making deal with it.
You are a failure psychologist because no body wants to hire your bachelor degree
Thats what Regret always tell me. Somehow, its the truth. I am failure as psychologist. The proof is that no body want to accept me or my bachelor degree as psychologist. Ive tried to apply job with my degree and no one giving me a chance. Regret was telling me the truth.
So i listen to it and making deal with Regret. I know i am useless as psychologist, so let me craft myself as something else. I hear that some people are willing to pay someone if they act funny or scary in front of camera. What if , if you give me chance by not nailing me down, i will study myself some way to make money out of selling myself in front of camera, in return i will make it up something to you? Deal.
So i spent my money on lynda.com to learn about Adobe, skillshare.com to learn about marketing, and Steam to refresh a bit. In return, Regret makes me feel nothing so i can focus to make myself better.
I dont know whether its a nice story or pointless but thats just it. Me, myself, and Regret.